I’ve had a lot of come to Jesus moments recently. Let’s be honest, I’m always having those moments. Sometimes with God whispering to me and more often with Him knocking me upside the head to get my attention. Recently, He’s been working on me remembering to find my worth in Him. So often, I forget. I forget I’m the child of the Creator of the Universe. I forget that He created me with a direct and divine purpose that only I can do. I forget that I’m made and sustained by the one that parted the seas and raised dead bodies to life. I forget that I’m loved by my big, great Heavenly Father and nothing at all will ever separate me from that love.
Yes, I forget. And instead of stepping out on those truth, sometimes I start trying to find my worth in other things. How well of a job I’m doing, how much stuff I can get done, how fit I can get, how good my decisions are, and especially who loves me and whether or not I feel like I belong anywhere. And on my worst days, comparison to other people and feeling less worthwhile if someone stops loving me or talking to me or even stops commenting on my social media or doesn’t acknowledge me in their life on social media. It’s ridiculous at times I know, and I am definitely not proud of those moments, but they happen.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I find great satisfaction in it. I strive to make good decisions and hold myself to a very high standard. I love with my whole heart and want to be loved in return. I go at life 110%. I never want to waste a minute and want to get as much done as I possibly can, because I want to live my life to the fullest. I love working out and getting stronger and testing my fitness. And I’ll be honest, it’s really nice sometimes when someone posts about you on Facebook. It’s a nice public affirmation of your place in their life.
BUT, while those things are nice and really good things, when they start to become how I gage my worth, it’s time to refocus my sights back on what really determines my worth. My worth has nothing to do with what I do, who loves me, or how they show it. My worth is in who I am, which is God’s child. That’s it. The Executive Director of a company is no more valuable than the janitor. The girl struggling to bench the bar is JUST as worthwhile as the girl doing endless pull-ups with never ending abs. The child in the foster system going from home to home, not feeling like he belongs anywhere is JUST as important as the child with two loving parents. It doesn’t mean that the janitor can’t work his way up if he wants to, that the girl benching the bar can’t work hard to become strong and fit, or the the child in foster care shouldn’t want to find a place where he is loved or belongs. BUT whether or not they achieve these things, they are still JUST as important and worthwhile as ever before or as anyone else.
I think we all struggle with some aspect of where we find our worth. I know I probably struggle hardest in the area of feeling loved or like I belong. But I’m working on it. I’m reminding myself in those moments that I belong to God and that’s really all that matters at the end of the day.